DON'T LET HIM TAKE YOUR POWER AWAY

At a recent presentation about the sex education program a mom asked why the curricula for girls was different to the boys. "Why do the boys cover sex a whole year before the girls?" The reply, "Because girls cannot handle too much information." Are you gasping?  I was outraged! It was such an overt statement about perceived gender different.  Unfortunately it's not isolated to that moment. It is so pervasive that it embedded in every fiber of our society.  From the time we are born, girls learn that they are not good enough.  We don't really need to know that men think they're smarter than women.  We already know this!  The problem is that this stereotype is embedded in our schools, colleges, professions, histories, entertainment, laws, policies and even our homes.  

What does this all mean?

• It means that we are not given the same access to learning and work opportunities that boys and men are.  
• It means that society doesn't invest it's resources in us because we are not as valuable as men. 

What does this look like?

• Men interrupt you.
• Everything gets explained to you. 
• Your suggestions are ignored and when Joe Soap offers the same suggestion he is praised.
• It is you earning less than a man for doing the same job.
• You are not taken seriously.
• Your looks are valued more than your intellect.
• You are constantly bombarded with advertisements and messages about how imperfect you are.

How does this make you feel?

• If you're like me you doubt yourself at anything.  
• You're less likely to take risks.
• You're less likely to participate and expose yourself.
• You feel like you have nothing to contribute.
• You feel like an imposter.
• You have a confidence crisis. 

Wouldn't you like to be like FUCK IT, I believe in myself and I'm confident enough to advocate for myself?  Imagine the possibilities!  You can speak up in that meeting and tell Joe Soap to stop interrupting you.  You can own your suggestion so everyone hears its value.  You are willing to be seen and are not afraid of being imperfect.  You own your abilities!  You are your own biggest fan!

There actually is an easy way to get to that place of confidence.  I call it the AIM method.  I use it effectively with me clients. It's about accurately positioning yourself for the moments that usually take your power away.  First up is creating AWARENESS.

“AWARENESS IS THE GREATEST AGENT FOR CHANGE”

  I'll help you with that right here.

1. Read through this post again and recall any these situations.  
2. Carefully notice how these situations make you feel in your body.  Do you feel a nervousness in your stomach?  Perhaps a tightness in your shoulders and chest.  What is happening on the inside?  Do you feel like your heart is sinking?  Like you want to curl up and hide?  What other sensations might be happening inside.  Sense them, sit with them, listen to them.  
3. THIS IS KEY TO RECOGNIZING HOW NOT FEELING VALUED FEELS IN YOUR OWN BODY.
4. Now I want you to notice if you want to make changes in your body shape (the way you might be sitting or standing).  Do you feel like you have to protect yourself?  Do you feel vulnerable?  How does that look in your own body?  My limbs move closer to my torso.  My shoulders round slightly forward and my chest sinks back.  I tend cross my legs and drop my arms into my lap.  I drop my focus and can feel my self retreat inward,  Does this feel familiar to you?  Or do you notice other movements happening in your body.  What shape does your body take when you don't feel valued?

5. You will probably have to go through this exercise several times before it becomes familiar to you. When you recognize this sensation in your body and how it changes your shape, you will be more attuned to situations that take away your power and make you feel unvalued.  THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE YOUR BODY LANGUAGE REVEALS YOUR LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE and will only feed into the belief that we are not competent.  As you become more aware of your internal workings and sensations, you will be able to move from your automatic response to a more intentional reaction that puts you back in the driver's seat! You can learn more about practicing awareness and mindfulness throughout your day here.

AWARENESS IS KEY TO CREATING CHANGE.  As girls and women we become so focused on others that we rarely take time to notice what's happening inside us.  We learn to care about what others thing.  We learn to be nice and make people happy, because we're told that's where our value lies.  BUT THAT IS ALSO ESSENTIALLY WHERE WE LOSE OUR POWER.  

I hear you saying, "This doesn't fix the social problem." You are right!  We're working on that too.  But what it does do is give you the ability to push back and forge a more empowered path for your yourself.  We can't change the culture if we're not in the control tower.

“ I want to build an army of women who will move the needle on gender inequality.  I can’t stand quietly by and watch my daughter try to navigate in a world that does not value all that she is because she’s a girl!  Will you join me in this mission? ”

Awareness is the first step.  It sets you up for the next exercise that moves you into forward with intention.  You can use my AIM method in any area of your life.  Learn to go from AWARENESS to INTENTION to MOVEMENT when you subscribe.  The Aim Method Worksheet is from my not-yet-published book, Raising Fierce Girls,  Becoming Fierce Women.